Something Must be Wrong!

Something must be wrong with me

with all this hurt inside,

always bursting with anger,

and never any pride.

Something must be wrong with me

if all I do is cry,

I can't stop this pain

all I want to do is die.

Something must be wrong with me

if my emotions run wild,

all this confusion does

is make me feel like a lost child.

Something must be wrong with me

with all these terrible things,

always there and never gone

depression is what it brings.

Something must be wrong with me

if I can't stop these thoughts,

all this pain doesis turn my stomach in knots.

Something is truly wrong with me

when I think there's only one way out,

"Let this pain end,"

is all my heart will shout.

Peace of Mind, Peace of Heart...

I was really avoiding writing anything about this issue, I just wanted to pretend like this never happened and that this chapter of my life was never really there... Why do I need to write about it? Why don't I just change the "about me" column on my blog and its over with? I chose not to... It's better for me to vent and blow off smoke on my blog, afterall, that's what friends are for...

I saw the signs and symptoms but I chose to make excuses and ignore them, saying to myself " Why don't I give him the benefit of the doubt?" "His explanation seems logical" and so on. Naive? A fool? Too kind? I dunno. However, I could not take it anymore. Thanks Allah, that I am the kind of person who always tells my parents about everything, I explain to them every problem I encounter with my ex-fiance. Yes, ex. I did decide to break off the engagement... How can I live with a man with such habits? An insensitive, miser, nit-picker?? I cant handle it... I don't care how many months it has been, I never really felt like I was a fiancee to be cherished and loved and respected... Just when I get a feeling of accomplishment, BANG! "It's not that great", u know how it goes. People say that engagement is the most romantic and peaceful time of a couple's life. It wasn't for me. Most of it arguing, (him) nit-picking about every single thing, and his mom treating me very unpleasantly for no reason at all.

I'm glad it's over, I feel so relieved right now, I don't know why I didn't do it sooner "Better late, than NEVER!". At least this way, I get to keep my heart and soul intact of the very special person Allah sends along for me. I am grateful to Allah for saving me from a doomed relationship and God Willing I'm sure that Allah holds someone better for me in the future... Inshaa Allah...